I had a chat with a friend last week about my upcoming retreat - Breaking free. She said that she felt offended because the offering was targeting women over 40 years old. She is 60, and she doesn’t want to be in the group of “oldies”. I felt surprised and amused at the same time.
Nothing was referring to “oldies” in my offering. I set a clear target for a cycle topic of where I am at, and where other women might be. I am 48, and my interests, needs, and concerns are quite different from when I was in my 30s or when I will be in my 60s.
Each cycle is beautiful in its learning. It’s not a question of comparing or rejecting, but rather honoring where we are at.
This brings me to International Women's Day that we are celebrating today and I want to speak about alignment.
What is alignment?
Alignment is when we agree with the whole of who we are, how we look, and what we do. When our life choices and decisions are in agreement with our core values and beliefs.
It is when we listen to our intuition and act following our wise voice within rather than arguing with it.
It is when we show up in our authentic selves. In what we perceive as flaws, accepting that our vulnerability is our strength.
The joy of alignment is coming to terms with the feeling of frustration, overwhelm, and anger. When we stop perceiving situations or circumstances as wrong or as against us. When we are embracing rather than fighting.
There is nothing against us in this life, that is the beauty of it.
Life is benevolent. It supports us in having the experiences that we need to evolve into the next version of ourselves.
I am aligned when my thoughts, words, and actions are coherent. When I am in acceptance of who I am and what I do. That includes the whole of me.
Alignment gets lost when I am judging past decisions or past choices. When I think I should have done things differently, or I should have known better.
I get aligned when I understand that there is no such thing as doing anything different from what I have done.
We ALWAYS do the right thing at the right time in the right place. And it is a function of the experiences that we have chosen to live. It is not a function of how it appears on the outside or what other people think about it.
When I fall into judgments of myself, others, or situations, it takes me to a pool of poop and frustration.
I have the tools to get out of this pool.
I get to decide how I want to feel and what I want to do.
It is my thoughts that guide my feelings. My feelings lead my actions. My actions get me to the results, whether i like them or not.
I can choose to let go of the judgments, frustrations, and feelings that I need to figure things out. And the over-responsibility for others (family, colleagues, work, or even country).
It takes an effort to remind me that I have a choice.
My magic wand is Compassionate Self Forgiveness, which comes in and supports me in the process. Sometimes it is quick, and sometimes it takes longer, but whatever time it takes, I keep the image of the waves.
Life is like waves in the ocean. Sometimes it hits me on the ground, and sometimes it lifts me. In both cases, I need to move my body with it and push when I get to the bottom.
My past decisions, my past choices, and my past self are what brought me to where I am now. Whatever I am doing now is leading me to the future version of myself. None of these three versions of myself are similar. But there is a theme, a fine line, that links them all together in a pulse that is driving me forward.
For me, that pulse is Freedom.
Freedom to be, freedom to speak, freedom to act.
Breaking free as a theme came strongly to me at the beginning of this year. It is guiding my choices and decisions for this cycle of my life.
Breaking free from judgments.
From limiting beliefs.
From thoughts forms.
All perceptions of the past.
From the perceived occupation of the mind and the body.
From identities boxes.
As a Palestinian. A nation that is still confined within walls and occupied, struggling to stay alive.
As a woman. Working for the empowerment of women in conflict zones. Witnessing how women’s bodies have become the battlefield.
As a mother. Over-serving and under-earning.
As a wife. Over committing in co-dependency.
It is time for all of us to break free.
Freedom is our birthright
Can we accept that power to choose? And come together to support each other in this freedom?
That we are free to be. To do. To speak. To move. To write. To dance. As we are. Where we are.
I spent most of my life fighting for women’s rights. Upset about women’s condition. Frustrated about some of their choices and decisions.
I made a clear decision early on not to be one of them. One of those "weak" women that are suffering. Women victims of violence. Women "incapable" of taking charge of their life.
Many women, powerful women, make that same decision. Whether consciously or not.
But what I discovered is that I have rejected the woman in me. I have imprisoned her with a masculine attitude and masculine way of being. Even when I became a mother (you can read more about my story here - evadalak.me/about)
We, as a society, have pushed mothers to the bottom, expecting them to serve. We are stepping on them, on their time and energy, to rise and succeed. Many unspoken expectations, for mothers, but also for and from women. To be a certain way, to look in a certain way.
Dissociation between being a woman and behaving like a man in a patriarchal society. That has been my own experience. Growing up in a male-dominated country, culture, and religion.
So for this IWD, I call for alignment for me.
Alignment between the masculine and feminine within me.
Bringing peace to both parts that make the whole of who I am.
To stop judging one or the other.
To allow, accept, approve, and embrace.
And this open space for gratitude.
Gratitude for my mother. My traditional Haje mother, which I have fought for most of my life. My sweet mum has enrobed me with so much unconditional love that it carries me wherever I go.
Gratitude for my grandma for having brought to life, my mum. That courageous woman that stepped out of the boat in May 1948. Amid the war, what the Palestinian refer to as the nakba. She was running away with her family from Jaffa under attack to the safety of Gaza. She gave birth in an empty house bombing around, while her family continued the journey to Gaza, separated forever by the conflict.
Gratitude for my great-grandma and all the ones that came before.
For this IWD I am not writing about the digital age that the UN is inviting women to join. I am setting myself free from all the judgments I have held against my mum, my grandma, and all the women before them. Judgment for having stayed-in the midst of domestic violence. During conflict. For not taking charge of their life.
I am setting myself free, of the judgments of myself for past attitudes and behaviors. And by setting myself free, I am setting them free as well.
Freedom begets freedom. We control the other because we are in fear.
My beloved dad used to tell me, patience my girl, each thing in its timing is beautiful. And it still resonates in my head when I am impatiently waiting for things to happen. For freedom to take over the entire world. For all to live in peace.
Today I know it is time. It is time for me to align with my self-honesty and integrity. Clearly discerning the patterns that are perpetuating the conditions of women and Palestinians.
Women’s bodies have become the battlefield, whether in their homes or outside. The same body that gives birth and populates this world to continue pulsing.
It is time for us, women and men, to face and deal with our reality as it is. The violence, the conflict, the ugliness. Along with the beauty, the peace, and the harmony. We can shift. We can bring more coherence and alignment into our bodies, minds, and hearts.
There has been a hole in my body that I kept feeding with frustration and anger about the condition of the world. That is what led me to spiritual psychology 12 years ago. It helped me connect to my wholeness and holiness. It helped me understand that my dedication to serving my people has to go through healing myself.
And healing myself involved a lot of letting go of judgments.
That experience involved me losing my eyesight for two years.
And this letting go is what I call Breaking FREE. Breaking free is what allowed my Break Through.
I am turning now to the wisdom of the feminine, the one that I have pushed aside for most of my life. I am inviting her into the sacred marriage of the masculine and feminine within me.
Will you join me?
You best writing yet! I know more will come!
Thank you sister for doing this work <3 of helping liberate the fractured woman and remind her of her wholeness.